Life with multiples presents a variety of unique challenges.

My little fellas will be two in July. They are walking, talking, and generally moving at hyper-speed whenever and wherever possible. Any parent with toddler experience knows that at this age, errand running, while still necessary, is about as much fun as eating a bag of hair.

Shopping with my twins is the parenting equivalent of having two ticking time bombs dressed in footed pajamas and strapped into a double-wide Peg Perego. At some point detonation will occur, regardless of how many Cheerios I sprinkle on the stroller tray.

That is the way of the toddler people. We do not have shared goals. I want to get some grocery shopping done and they, conversely, want the freedom of self mobility. Should that precious freedom not be granted within an arbitrary time frame known only to said toddlers, then-BOOM! Shrapnel in the form of a temper tantrum times two.

My ability to efficiently move through the world of retail shops is also further hampered by well meaning folk who want to engage me in what I refer to as 'Twin Speak'......

"Oh! Are they twins?"

This tends to be a thinly veiled conversation starter generally timed while I am rushing through the supermarket racing against the 'It's Close To Naptime But We're Out Of Milk' clock. Depending on how quickly I need to extricate myself, I sometimes just reply to the speaker, "No, they are three months apart." Away I zoom to the dairy section, leaving the speaker to figure out the improbable gestational math in the canned goods aisle alone.

"Are they identical?"

I will submit Photo A into evidence. Sometimes, even after an affirmative response from me, this question is followed by "Are they both boys?" which usually leads to a discussion on the definition of the term 'identical'.

"Are they 'natural'?"

Now it is my personal belief that the actual conception of my twinkies is, for lack of a better word, personal. But I will let you, my fair readers, in on the secret. My twins were conceived in the most natural way possible: A steak dinner (for energy), a fine bottle of 2003 Cesari Amarone della Valpolicella Classico (for mood enhancement and consent), and finally an act of congress not ever witnessed on C-Span.

According to the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, Inc. (NOMTC), identical twins occur in only 4 of every 1000 pregnancies and are referred to within the scientific community as a "genetic aberration", happening when a single egg splits apart shortly after fertilization. I like to think, with odds such as these, it is an affirmation that I should buy more lottery tickets and stay indoors during thunderstorms.

"I just don't know how you do it..."

Well, in my case, "highly self-motivated, detail oriented, multi-tasker with sharp learning curve and affectionate disposition" is not just buzzword phrasing on a resume but a method of survival. I quote Dory of "Finding Nemo" fame: "Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming"

"Wow! It sure looks like you have your hands full!"

Thank you, Captain Obvious. If I had a buck for every time I've heard this one over the last eighteen months or so, I would have my hands full. Of money.

I got this comment a lot this last summer while walking through my neighborhood with the dog, the six year old, and the stroller-full of twinkies.

"Looks like you could use some help!"

Why? Would you like to fill out an application?

"How can you tell them apart?"

I'll be honest here. When they first came home from the hospital I used a Sharpie marker to put a dot behind Baby A's ear as to differentiate between the two. (Being a somewhat paranoid, hyper-attentive mom, I also painted a toenail on that same twin with red polish on the off chance that at 3 a.m. I would somehow still manage to confuse them.) But trust me. After many months of caring for these two rugrats, I can tell them apart. And believe it or not, my babies look nothing alike to me. Most likely because I've had all these months to memorize every minute difference.

"Ah... they are so cute!!"

This is the one that stops me in my tracks every time regardless of the length of that day's 'To Do' list. I'm not sure what mother doesn't love hearing how adorable her children are from strangers. And I will gladly chat all day about the perceived beauty of my little toddlers! The only thing that makes this comment more enjoyable is when it is followed by....

"Gee, they look just like you."

Yes. They do. I am their mother and therefore am genetically related to both of them. I guess my particular gene pool has a zero-depth entry and is somewhat on the shallow side, hence the obvious congenital similarities.

"My kids are 13 (or 15, 18, 20) months apart and it's just like having twins."