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Blog Entry 130 of 178

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~StealthlyHumor

Real Life Office - In A Ditch Without A Paddle
Contributed by: Kevin Platts   on 2/28/2007

As I wrote last week, office mate Steve is our version of Dwight Schrute. This guy has so many quirks it would take many entries to document all of them. Seems like this guy always has some weird plan, idea or thought. Being around him is sometimes strange, sometimes quizzical, but always funny.

Typical example of "working" with Steve. Last week he walks into the Real Life Office ( RLO) and is obviously out of breath and appears to be somewhat distraught. I immediately sense an opportunity to get some good stand-up material, so I ask him what the problem is.

Steve then begins to tell the tale of his drive to work. He begins by immediately admitting he "ended up in the ditch" on his way in. Rather than being worried about new stand-up material, I am concerned and ask Steve if he is alright. He tells me he is fine and quickly launches right back into his tale. Apparently, as he is driving down the state highway, Steve realizes he is out of windshield wiper fluid. This is a problem as his windshield is dirty and he is having difficulty seeing through it. Rather that driving to the nearest gas station and buying more wiper fluid, Steve decides there must be a way to coax more fluid to come out of the reservoir onto his window. (As Steve makes this simple comment, I quickly realize I have pre-judged this situation and that I will indeed be getting some stand up material.) This is proven to be an accurate assessment as Steve continues. Rather than pulling to the shoulder of the road, Steve decides to conduct an inspection of the wiper controls. After completing this inspection, he decides the controls must be malfunctioning and that the best way to get more fluid onto the window is by manipulating the control and turning it in a manner not consistent with the owner's manual. Did I fail to mention this is all playing out as Steve is driving down the highway at 65 miles per hour????

I think by now you all see where this is going. As Steve is manipulating the wiper control, he apparently looks up (no doubt through the 1 inch square of glass that he can still look through) and realizes there are a line of cars stopped on the highway and he is about to ram into the back of a rather large truck. Rather than plowing the truck, Steve makes the wise decision to drive onto the shoulder. According to Steve, he misses the truck by a whole inch and is now speeding up the shoulder at 57 miles per hour. He then realizes he is about to "plow" into one of the small green mile markers. At this point, Steve takes drastic measures and on his own accord leaves the shoulder and goes into the ditch at 45 miles per hour.

Luckily for Steve, the ditch was relatively flat, and he was able to get his car back onto the shoulder of the road. He then admits he sat on the shoulder of the road for about 10 minutes simply trying to "catch his breath." (It appears Steve only caught his breath at this point and made no further attempt to clean his windshield, even though he was no longer at the controls of a 3,000 pound missile rocketing down the public roadway at 65 miles per hour.) After partially (I say partially because remember I said he was still out of breath when he walked into RLO. Apparently, he should have stayed on the shoulder "catching his breath" for a couple more minutes.) catching his breath, Steve and his vehicle with very dirty windshield then proceeded to RLO safely.

Here's the kicker. As if this episode wasn't funny enough, Steve misses the 1st day of work this week. I ask around and learn he is at the hospital with a pinched nerve. Once Steve returns to work, I ask him what is wrong. He confirms he has a pinched nerve and has been prescribed Valium to help with the pain. I ask him how he got the pinched nerve and he says, "I have no idea. My neck just started hurting and I decided to go to the hospital." I have no idea what you are thinking at this moment, but my opinion is that last week Steve got a "crick in his neck" from holding his head at a weird angle to see out the one inch square of clean windshield on his car. This obviously led to the "pinched nerve."

I can only finish with this thought. If you happen to see a car with an extremely dirty windshield driving down the road near you, I strongly recommend you stay as far away from it as possible. This guy not only makes mechanical repairs to his vehicle while driving, but also has a really sore neck that prevents him from rotating his head, which ensures he can't see any other cars on the road, and is apparently all "hopped up on Valium."

To read my other thoughts, please visit my blog at: www.advice-smoke-and-mirrors.blogspot.com


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Showing 1-2 of 2 comments
Submitted By: Kevin Platts
posted on 3/6/2007 @ 12:40:10 AM
Rated Blog Entry
Joe - You are right. There was no humor in this story as it was unfolding. The humor became evident after Steve safely made it into the office and related events to me. Kevin
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Submitted By: Joe McDaniel
posted on 3/1/2007 @ 9:10:34 PM
Rated Blog Entry
How irresponsible can you be? Where's the humor in this? Steve's decision to drive on the highway without being able to see clearly risks not only his life but that of others.
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Showing 1-2 of 2 comments
CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Kevin Platts

Parker , CO

Kevin Platts has posted 178 blog entries and 5 comments since joining on 5/16/2006. Kevin Platts's average blog rating is 4.8.
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