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Life lessons learned from students: Mercy
Contributed by: Jerry LaPre on 1/24/2008

This is a true story. It's more of an essay than a short story, but I did not know where else to put it. I'm a retired middle school language arts teacher, and I wrote this story after attending the funeral of one of my former students last year.

She was a wonderful girl who could no longer cope with the ravages anorexia had done to her and took her own life. After her funeral I wrote a poem about her, and then a few months ago I wrote an essay.

It's from a collection I'm writing called Life Lessons Learned from Students. Her name was Mercy and she taught me how to renew my confidence in my teaching ability after I had undergone the worst year of my teaching career the year before I taught Mercy.

Mercy
As I sat at Mercy's memorial service, I listened to the muffled cries of hundreds of teenagers and realized what a great loss we had all just suffered. All kids battle demons, but most of them will eventually overcome them. Not Mercy. She didn't give herself that chance, but in the brief time I knew her she taught me about something I thought I had already learned: confidence in my ability as a teacher.

Mercy came into my life in the next to last year of my teaching career. You'd think that a grizzled middle school veteran such as myself would have already encountered every possible type of student. Mercy brought light and hope into my life when I desperately needed them. Like many kids, Mercy underestimated her own value.

On the first day of school, a girl gushed enthusiastically, "Hi, Mr. LaPre!"
"Hi. What's your name, young lady?" I asked.
"My name is Mercy."
"I'm sure that's a name I'll never forget," I replied, not realizing what a prophetic statement I had just made.

The year before I taught Mercy, she began struggling with the demon that would eventually overcome her: anorexia. At the same time, I was learning to adjust to life with multiple sclerosis. It was not a smooth transition. I had just finished the most difficult year of my career. The rapport I had built with students during a productive career disappeared. This completely ruined my confidence in my abilities.

Mercy walked into this sad situation the following school year. Immediately, she let it be known that I would not be allowed to wallow in my self-pity. I later learned from a school counselor that Mercy had been diagnosed with anorexia, but that she was in recovery and had recently gained weight and appeared to be doing well. How this girl could show concern for others when she was hurting herself, was beyond me.

By this time, many of the physical tasks that the teaching profession demands were also beyond me. Multiple sclerosis had compromised my gait and walking became more and more difficult. Mercy became my hands and feet. Many students offered to help, but I always found myself relying on the effervescent Mercy more than the others.

At the end of the first quarter, Mercy and her parents came in for a parent/teacher conference. Our eighth grade academic teams were in transition that year, and I had to travel between two different classrooms to meet with different sets of parents. I was walking with a cane and moving very slowly. As I sat down at the table, I said to Mercy's parents, "You know those copy shops called Sir Speedy? They're named after me."

Mercy's parents smiled at my remark, but Mercy just glared at me. I was trying to use humor to deal with my diminished physical abilities, but Mercy only saw it as me putting myself down. She could not tolerate that under any circumstance.

I was also fond of Mercy because she was an accomplished dancer. My daughter, Noelle, has been taking ballet lessons since she was three years old. The year I taught Mercy, she was performing in a production of The Nutcracker and gave me two free tickets. Unfortunately, it was the same night as my school's staff Christmas party, and my wife, Cindy, and I could not attend Mercy's performance. Instead, we arranged for Noelle's baby sitter to take her to the ballet. Noelle had also performed in The Nutcracker when she was in first grade and thoroughly enjoyed Mercy's performance.

I was so touched when Mercy told me she saw Noelle looking up from the audience and was just beaming with joy. Dance has captured my daughter's spirit the way it did Mercy's. Mercy's talent as a dancer was rewarded in the spring when she was named to the Dance Team at her high school for her freshman year. I was so happy for her. Everything seemed to be going her way.

When the yearbooks came out, Mercy took up a whole page signing mine. I was so touched by what she wrote that I asked her to invite me to her wedding when that joyous day came. She promised me she would, not knowing then that her demons would never let her see that day. I only saw Mercy once after she left middle school. She was in my school visiting for some reason, and stopped in to see me. She was as ebullient as ever and seemed very happy. We spoke briefly, and I never saw her again.

In January of 2006, two former colleagues and some of Mercy's friends called to tell me that she had killed herself. Her parents admitted her to a hospital to be observed by the psychiatric staff because the anorexia had returned and was making her irrational and even delusional. She heard voices in her head telling her to hurt herself. The staff observed her every fifteen minutes, but Mercy still had enough time to take her jeans and hang herself.

So there I was, surrounded by former colleagues and students all mourning the loss of a light that had gone out forever. Personally, I have always had a very hard time with suicide. I had been to one other funeral where a former student had taken his own life.

As I drove home the day of Mercy's funeral, I tried to think of a way that I could honor her spirit without condemning her actions. I only hope I met my purpose.

FOR MERCY
You came upon us like a fragrant spring breeze.
You left us aching and unfulfilled,
But in between you touched us
In ways we will never forget.

Your laugh, your smile, that twinkle in your eye
Made us feel your special gifts.
You left us happier and wanting more,
But you left us way too soon.

We are not mad at you,
We just wished we could have
Helped you find a way to fight
The demons in your heart and head.

We saw a girl with everything,
But you saw a girl worth nothing.
If only our visions could have found
A happy medium between the extremes.

You remained a mystery to the end,
A puzzle we couldn't solve.
But we'll love and miss you
Everyday of our lives.

We know you found the peace
You so desperately needed
Cradled in the arms of Our Savior
And resting eternally.

After her funeral, I sent this poem to Mercy's parents. I can only hope it offered them some measure of comfort in their time of anguish and despair. I will always be grateful to Mercy for helping to restore my confidence after it had been completely shattered.

Jerry LaPre is a retired middle school teacher and part-time tutor. He lives in The Pinery in Parker.


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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Jerry LaPre

Parker , CO

Jerry LaPre has posted 2 stories and 0 comments since joining on 5/31/2007. Jerry LaPre 's average story rating is 5.
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