The true definition of IKEA--
Ingvar Kamprad Elmtaryd Agunnaryd (The Swedish home furnishings retailer founder's initials and location).
As consumers we would probably tell you that IKEA means buying a box of unassembled furniture at a reasonable price, Euro-modern style, a Swedish restaurant and novelty shop.
To me--a die-hard IKEA fan--it's a cultural experience.
I know I am about a month behind the announcement of the new IKEA being slotted for nearby Centennial Colorado.
I have a reason--I am always fashionably late (pushing the Viking helmet out of my brow with a big blue and yellow foam finger).
Ladies and gentlemen, we are in for a Scandinavian treat!
My father is the only other immediate relative of mine who also lives in America. He is in Minnesota. Swedes have this innate tendency of searching for the meanest stretch of land with instable climate--and settling there. That's the reason of the great Scandinavian population in the Midwest.
My father has not only made the brilliant decision of moving to Minnesota, but decided while doing so he would put his career as a chemical engineer on permanent hiatus and become a security guard. That is his idea of retirement-running around after shoplifters in the snow with a squirt-gun.
Minnesota may have summers with inhumane humidity and winters that are so cruel Polar bears don't even live there on purpose--but they also have an IKEA. My father was one of the security guards that worked the grand opening of IKEA in the Twin Cities. He has told me tales of grandeur, Swedish American patriotism and mad shoppers. In his career as a senior citizen and security guard I have only heard him describe the opening of IKEA and the recent Republican National Convention as worthy parallels. He staffed both.
What can Colorado expect?
This grand opening is likely to build lines greater than those that circled around blocks for the ribbon cutting of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. The planned 1,700 parking spots may be a commodity for the first several weeks until unassembled furniture fever mellows out. 400,000 square feet of shopping Mecca will be put to test immediately as the fire-code limits of visitors need to be managed by security staff. When IKEA officials say that this store will draw customers from a five state radius-they are not kidding. IKEA store openings have a cult-like draw comparable to Global Star Trek Conventions and Tom Cruise's You-Tube videos. People--it's going to be big!
If you look around our home you will notice that most of our furniture is from American Furniture Warehouse. Jake Jab's empire has set a top of the business unchallenged for many years--serving those of us who do not wish to spend our children's college funds on furniture.
I agree with Andrew Zuppa, the American Furniture Warehouse corporate general manager that they have done a great job selling affordable furniture to people without getting into the ready-to-assemble business. But do not underestimate the number of consumers who are giddily awaiting the opportunity to bring out the toolbox to semi-build a bunk bed called "Gustaf."
What is the attraction?
Is it that you pay less to come home with a kit of parts and instructions similar to K'Nex? I have to admit I am one of those who can never get these things together without reading several languages of interpretations and looking at the pictures of the manual. Call me crazy, but those Ziploc bags of leftover nuts and bolts give me that uneasy feeling.
A screw loose is one things--a bag of them unused--is a whole other problem. Yet, the promise of savings and the glossy sleek design of the merchandise get me every time. It's like an adventure. Or a dare! It's that weekend project that you dream of doing with your kids (I am certain they had no better plans than to build a toilet-paper rack with their mom). And when you have stripped every screw, including the extras in the baggie--it's an opportunity to make your husband feel needed. See, it's bonding time!
If that's not enough to send you pining to the next IKEA catalogue, think about the children! I am not sure what features this American counterpart will hold for our Centennial store, but I remember my childhood IKEA of the 1970's. There was this child center I would visit when I was tired of shopping with my parents. Here was an opportunity for me to hang out with other clog-wearing children while my parents settled which shiny coffee table would look best with the shag-rug. Each IKEA visit was for my family a day-trip that ended with meatballs (I'd say Swedish meatballs, but since this was in Sweden it seems redundant) at the restaurant and some chocolates from the novelty store.
American Furniture Warehouse is not the only business entity that should worry about the ginormous yellow and blue building coming to town. We need to warn Hershey's and the other candy making giants that Swedish chocolate is about to become readily available. Claiming that Cloetta and Marabou are just another piece of chocolate is like saying that Starbucks is just another cup of crappy coffee. Swedes are not famous for a multitude of exports, but the ones that exist--thrive. Just look at ABBA, Volvo, Forsberg, The Swedish Bikini Team, and "Sven and Olle" jokes. Colorado businesses should take this seriously. The rest of us should reserve our parking spots now. I will personally join the masses outside the doors of IKEA opening day--making blinking motions with my hands and chanting--"Open, open, open!"