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I can't breathe

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Contributed by: S. Johnson on 9/21/2008

May 23rd, we knew were were losing the baby, but it was hard especially after having 3 other children. As a father you want to protect and keep them from harm. But this is something I couldn't save her from. We sat on the couch,we talked and I said "God she is yours!" At that moment my wife had her first and last contraction.
The ambulance came and they treated the child as a mass of tissue. When we made it to the hospital even the doctors weren't that comforting to neither of us. I had to pull the doctor and nurse aside and explain to them how to say this a bit more nice to my wife. This was child number FOUR!!
We buried her in Evergreen Colorado. It hurt me so much to loose a child it just ate at me. This was our daughter.

I can't breathe!

I watched as my wife started to shut down and we sort of went into ourselves and rarely talked about it. I mean at first we did but other things were happening.

Men are often stereotyped that these losses don't effect them. We all know stereotypes are a dangerous thing. It should hurt when a part of you leaves here. If it doesn't then I say Dad wake up!! It should hurt when you see what it is doing to your wife and having to explain this to the other children. Often I could not find the words.

July I lost my father. I was working as a residential counselor. I had just got done with a group session, I received a call from my god mother, she said " I don't know if they have called and told you..." Right away I started saying no...no..no..!" She said" I am sorry it's your father!' I started to cry and then started asking the how and why.
Last time we spoke my father told me he had a headache and the hospital sent him home on ibuprofren.

People say when you get the call you know. Well it was true I knew what it was.

I can't breathe

My father died in what was a robbery turned homicide. I loved him. When I was overseas I would call him and tell him about what was going on and the many things I saw and learned. My father taught me NEVER to lay down and just accept things that aren't true. I learned as a teenager No relationship is perfect .
My father moved us out to the suburbs when I was 5 yrs old, we lived across the street from the "Ali" family. We lived in a great neighborhood and high ranking schools.

I hated to see him leave like that. You don't want the last image of your father to be, a tag on his feet.

I called the hospital. Machine were keeping him here. When I arrive "he would still be in a hospital bed",so I was told.

We packed up the van and drove 17 hours straight. I stopped for gas and restroom breaks. We ate in the car because I had to get there. Occasional I had to stop on the "side" of the road.

When I got there he was down stairs in a "body bag", that was an horrible image to have in your mind of your father. I can still remember looking through the glass and seeing the lines in them. It's one of those" forever images"

"Time does heal but images are forever!

I spoke at my fathers funeral. I think I more like cried and talked as I saw him in front of me.

In two months I saw such losses. These images and emotions would often suck the life out of me.

Then in September my mother calls and says she has a lump in her chest!!

I can't breathe.

Sharles Johnson

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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

S. Johnson

Morrison , CO

S. Johnson has posted 31 stories and 5 comments since joining on 6/20/2007. S. Johnson's average story rating is 4.8.

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