Jerry Rice needs to pay off a bookie?
No, I have no proof, but you give me a better explanation for his recent TV stints. First, he suits up and dances the night away on Dancing With the Stars, and now he’s running fade patterns against 5-9 mail carriers.
If you’re not sure what I’m speaking of, I’m referring to the new SpikeTV show “Pros vs. Joes.” The show pits three average dudes against some of the best former athletes (who would be willing to embarrass themselves on TV) from different sports. In this episode the Pros were Dennis Rodman, Bill Goldberg, Matt Williams, Jim McMahon and the previously mentioned Rice.
The concept of the show seemed pretty cheesy to me when I first heard it, but after SpikeTV started hitting the promos pretty hard last week, I made a point to watch it. Thank God for DVR. I recorded the special two-hour episode of ‘24' (RIP, Edgar!) to watch this thing, and, here it comes, I’m glad I did. The show was a blast.
For those of you who watched it, you know how it went. For those that didn’t, here is a basic rundown.
The Joes started off the evening having to defend Jerry Rice. Needless to say, he made each of the guys look like grade schoolers. One Joe did manage to deflect a pass away, but that was more due to a bad throw than anything else. Rice ran slants, fades, curls ... and each route humiliated the Joe more than the last.
After being served up a hefty order of Rice (sorry), the guys hit the hardwood, where they had to outshoot Dennis Rodman. Doesn’t sound that tough, noting Rodman was never much of a shooter, anyway. To add a little something extra to the event, everybody had to shoot from a moving conveyor belt running from under the basket out to the three-point line. Couldn’t even get your feet set. Rodman actually lost to one of the Joes, 34-32. Kinda boring.
The third event was a neutral sport, allowing the Joes to tee off in a “closest to the pin” driving contest. Matt Williams nailed a 216-foot drive, landing four feet from the pin. Even Bill Goldberg had a nice shot.
The best part of the show was the “Overtime” period. The two remaining Joes had to face off against each of the Pros at what they did best. First, they had to field grounders being knocked towards them by Matt Williams. They had to field it cleanly, and get it to first for the “out.” Next, they had to catch 10 balls from a throwing machine one-on-one against Rice. These things were coming at them at 70 mph. After that, they had to rebound against Dennis Rodman. All they had to do was get one board in one minute. Neither of the Joes could. Next, it was on to the ring, where they had one minute to put the 6-4, 260 muscle Bill Goldberg on his back. Yeah, not so much. Finally, they had to toss footballs through targets against Jim McMahon of the Chicago Bears. McMahon looked pretty good. Some moron GM might even give him a call.
This show kinda hit close to home for me. Back in my healthy, athletic days, I actually used to think I could compete against professional athletes. I, of course, was dilusional. Not even my own, personal "Easy Button" could have helped me. You see, when I was in college, I was a pretty decent basketball player. I had myself relatively convinced that I could play at a higher level than my little private college. Then we had a kid transfer in from an NAIA Division II school. He was four inches shorter than I was, and weighed 160 soaking wet. We played a pick-up game one night, and I took it as a personal challenge to play better, and prove that I was “the man.” Well, he proceeded to wipe my butt. He was quick, he could shoot, and he jumped out of the gym. These Joes weren’t so lucky. They were served their big, fat, juicy slice of humble pie on national TV.
If you didn’t see the show, it’s worth checking out. While these guys tried hard, and would all likely kill me in any of the competitions, it’s still fun to watch some cocky dudes try something and fail miserably.
*** Your 24 News Flash ***
> They killed off Edgar!
> Jack Bauer shot some chick in the leg to get her husband to talk ... and he wouldn’t!
> Superman dresses up as Jack Bauer for Holloween.
> Robocop is gonna get his butt kicked.
*** Quick Hitter ***
The Philadelphia Eagles are looking to sign Jeff Garcia? Did they see him play last year? How is he an improvement over Mike McMahon? Unless they are looking to bring him on as number 3, which Garcia would never agree to, this makes no sense. Good luck with your 6-10 season, guys.
*** Lastly ***
Kirby Puckett, the mighty-might Minnesota Twin, passed away yesterday due to complications from a stroke he suffered on Sunday. Puckett went through some tough times after his induction into the Hall of Fame. Both personal issues and health issues seemed to haunt him. Just like any of us, he made some mistakes. That said, he was a great ball player, and his friends, family and teammates loved him. For that matter, so did most of his opponents. Ignore the troubles today, and remember the amazing, smiling, hall-of-fame player that meant so much to baseball for so many years.