Given the horror stories on the television regarding children, predators and the Internet, it is surprising that parents allow any use of the Information Superhighway. How can parents alleviate this fear?

First, it is important to distinguish between passive and interactive Internet use. Passive Internet use involves viewing of pages. For example, your child using the Internet for researching a homework assignment is passive use. Passive use is what most of us are doing when we "surf the web." Interactive use is potentially more dangerous. Interactive use is exchanging information through the Internet. Examples include emails, instant messaging, chat rooms, downloading music and podcasts.

Worrisome passive use involves viewing pictures, and reading stories that involve pornography, violence, and the occult. Problematic interactive use involves discussing these topics with someone via a chat room, instant messaging, and emailing. Although both are scary to parents, each requires a different set of parenting responses. Problematic passive use should prompt parent-child discussions. Problematic interactive use should prompt immediate safety interventions. In a study sponsored by Sesame Street, the National School Boards Foundation and Microsoft 46% of parents expressed concern about their children viewing pornography (passive use), but only 12% restricted using chat rooms and instant messaging (interactive use). This statistic is concerning because chat rooms and instant messaging are common forums for predators to lure children.

It is quite normal for children to engage in exploratory Internet activities. The critical issue is how you respond as a parent. Parents discovering a child viewing pornography, reading occult information, or reading sultry, age inappropriate romance stories typically overreact. Tracy Todd, president of the Brief Therapy Institute of Denver, Inc., comments, "Frequently, our first sessions focus on reducing parent anxiety because parents are considering a lifelong Internet ban for their child."

Remember children passively viewing pages are engaging in normal healthy exploratory development. They are learning. Todd states, "We may not like what they are viewing but the more the subject remains a mystery, the more the desire will be to explore. Certainly, we must set boundaries on the exploration but the process is normative." Parents need to eliminate fear and anxiety responses and use these events as "teaching moments."

If you find your child engaging in passive Internet viewing of questionable material, go and explore with your child. Do so with interest. Try to understand what your child is finding so fascinating and eliminate shameful discussions.

So, how is this prevention? Trusting you, helps eliminate the need for speaking to a stranger who will definitely help them feel good about a particular topic, build their esteem, and boost their egos. Believing you will freak out, use shame or guilt, or engage in some other form of stifling behavior, heightens the potential of your child becoming secretive and continuing the exploration.

What are indicators secretive use?

• History, temporary files and cookies cleared on your Internet browser.
• Sudden stopping of computer use when you enter the room.
• Mysterious use.
• Obsessive use.
• Strange e-mails.
• Strange phone calls.
• Setting up and using free e-mail accounts.
• Another browser is loaded on your computer.

Parents frequently want to rely on software programs to safeguard their children. Although circumstances may exist for implementing such technology, before engaging in such control tactics Todd suggests you ask yourself, "Do I, and can I, have open discussions with my child?" Remember, your computer may have safeguards, but a neighbors' may not. There is always an available computer to bypass your concerns and rules. Family conversation will trump software every time.

Engaging in aggressive control tactics will cost family relations. Therefore, control strategies should be gradual. The simplest form of technological intervention, and possibly the most effective, is placing your computer in a public room. Keep it where you can view the monitor. Slightly more invasive is checking your browser history, cookies, and temporary internet files once a week. The next step is creating a rule that only parents can clear and modify administrative settings. A child doing so typically indicates visitation of websites not meeting parental approval. A more invasive step is to password protect your administrative settings and maximize your security functions. Finally, if you must, purchase a software program that will monitor keystrokes and use filtration devices. However, doing so concedes that family discussions were ineffective and you must rely on technology, not respect and honesty, to protect your family.

Ten Tips to Internet Safety for a Family

1. Don't freak out when discovering your child is viewing distasteful material.
2. Explore with your child the questionable subjects. Learn with them. Find out why they are attracted to the information and material.
3. Avoid lecturing and focus on guiding.
4. Watch for secretive or obsessive use.
5. Watch for scheduled use. Does you child claim needing the computer at a specific time? Why?
6. Monitor your computer for new programs, instant messaging, and unknown emails and email accounts.
7. Create an Internet contract with your family.
8. Provide a safe communication forum for your kids to ask questions and inform you of Internet troubles and uncomfortable situations.
9. Emphasize the importance of not disclosing personal information over the Internet. This includes information about family, friends and even a child or teen's enemies.
10. In repeated conversations, stress the importance that no matter how "safe" a child/teen feels with an Internet stranger, they should NEVER meet that person without parental knowledge and accompaniment.

The Internet provides a great deal of wonderful education and entertainment. It can also prompt healthy and positive family discussions by dealing with the challenging aspects through family communication, not technology.

Resources

www.safekids.com

www.safeteens.com

www.commonsensemedia.org

www.zonelabs.com

Tracy Todd, Ph.D. LMFT, is president of the Brief Therapy Institute of Denver, Inc. and a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. He will be presenting on Internet Safety for Families January 20, 2007 hosted by Centennial Peaks Hospital, Louisville, Colorado. For more information go to www.btid.com.