May 5, 2008
All my reviews are on the mark
By Stan Dyer
Why do you suppose someone like me writes reviews? I am never paid, I am usually not asked to review one place or another, and I almost always find one or two people ready tell me that I did not experience what I know I experienced. I believe if I tried to eat "dirt", did not like it and wrote an unfavorable review, someone would respond, "Oh, no. You are wrong. I have tried dirt and it is good". That's fine. We are all entitled to our opinions, but my reviews are not opinion. My reviews are fact, base on actual experience and always on the mark. I write my honest reviews for the hardworking citizens who care about how they spend their money and want to know where to find the best values.
When I go into a place, I go in unannounced and anonymously. I am not a regular customer, I am not the great and powerful OZ, and, most of all, I am not a person who will receive any kind of special treatment. I go in to every establishment as a regular Joe representing the scores of nameless faces who may also walk through those doors. I also do not go in looking for trouble. I want to see a place the way most normal customers see the place. I do not review restaurants I think are bad. The bad places usually have enough problems of their own and if someone has to tell them, then it is probably too late anyway. Oh, yes, I have visited some real "doozies".
I tried a place recently with friends that fit into the "doozie" category. It was new, it was cute, and the waiter was very nice, albeit more than a bit odd. Even though the restaurant was not very busy, the service was a painfully slow. It was as if that character Tim Conway used to portray on the Carol Burnett show back in the 70's were serving us, but it was not as funny. The worst part was the product we waited for. One friend ordered a burger cooked well done, and it came bleeding red in the middle. Another friend ordered some kind of chicken only to find the paper used to absorb the juices from the raw flesh when it comes from the supplier in the little foam tray still attached to her cooked chicken. Yummy! That was on the second visit. The first visit was even worse. On the first visit, one friend waited two hours to be served the wrong food. When the food was sent back, the replacement never came. I will not review that place. I am sure if I did someone would tell me how wrong my review was. "You are wrong because I have been there many times and always had good service". I do not know how people can try to tell me what I experienced, but they still do. Those people are free to patronize any establishment they choose, but I, however, will choose to steer my closest friends to better experiences.
First thing I like to do when I walk into a place is look around. I want to see if the atmosphere is conducive to the product being represented. Don't get me wrong. I understand that the atmosphere is just a small part of the ambiance, but it is still a consideration. I am one who would sit on a rock in the rain to enjoy good food served at a good price, but the rock is always more comfortable if the price is right and the food is good enough. If I pay what I think is a lot for a meal, that meal is naturally held to higher standards. I do not expect the same from fast food as I do from gourmet, and, in return, I do not pay the same prices. I find it easier to be more lenient in my judgment when paying fair or low prices for a decent product. Additionally, most people agree that even the worst food tastes better served in a comfortable, aesthetically pleasing environment, and no food is so good that it cannot benefit from good atmosphere. I write my reviews for these people and those with standards similar to my own.
My second consideration is service. Part of the reason people dine out is to be waited on and service can really make or break an establishment. I am not interested in how a place treats its regular customers, how they cater to the big wigs, or how they can turn on the charm. I am interested in the kind of service and attention the rest of us can expect, and I tip well for it. I know that wait staff, (due to special laws enacted by the very people waiters turn on the charm for), are paid significantly less than minimum wage. These people rely on their tips to survive. It is beyond me how restaurateurs justify making money hand over fist and are satisfied to pay their most important people puny wages. Thus, when I visit an establishment, my minimum tip is 25%. A server really has to be bad to get lower than that. I typically tip 33% or more and have been known to tip as high 60% for a truly outstanding product. You would be surprised how many people think that is outrageously high, but you would also be surprised if you had to take home a server's paycheck, (even those tips do not escape taxation by the Federal Government!). You might also be surprised how many people think even my tipping rates qualify me as a cheapskate, and some of those people are servers. Hey, I am not a rich man. I also do not want a tip to influence my service. Rather, I want the service to influence my tip. Servers are the liaison between the establishment and the customer, and both sides would do well to treat the intermediary better. Likewise, the server will do well to treat the customer well.
My final consideration is how the establishment I am visiting compares with all the others I visit or have visited. I consider and balance all aspects to arrive at an overall score. I even take the time to go on-line and check out the Heath Department Reports. The Health Reports are only a "snapshot" of the inspector's one visit, but they are a nice barometer. If I see repeated violations, (even if they are continually corrected), I expect an establishment is probably violating one or two codes most of the time. I also watch for employees handling food with gloves, how food is stored and served, and look for food crumbs on the floor. One woman told me she likes to visit a restaurant's bathroom before deciding to eat there. If the bathroom is bad, what are the chances the kitchen looks the same? In the same respect, if the dining area is bad, what are the chances the kitchen and bathroom look just as bad?
When it comes down to attaching a letter grade, most students love teachers who grade the way I do. I never give lower than a "C" but I have never given a "C". All my grades are various levels of "A" and "B". A grade of "A" means a place is good. A grade of "B" simply means there is need of improvement. A grade of "C" probably means I am in a fast-food restaurant, but even some of those are getting good. I do assign lower grades, but the only people who find out about those are my closest friends. If you want to know a lower grade restaurant, ask me next time you see me and I will name a few. Also, in the interest of fairness, I visit a restaurant multiple times before assigning the final grade. My experience has been that consistency is more important than a lone impression when giving reviews. I will visit a place once and love it, but, on my next visit, I may find something completely different. In the interest of honesty, I have to admit that there are some places I walked into and left immediately. Some other places made such bad first impressions I was unable to drag myself in for a follow up. These other places are the places I do not review. If they have a happy clientele and they can manage to stay in business despite a weak product and poor Health Department ratings, who am I to judge? In the land of freedom, everyone is free to exercise his own opinion, and I just choose to exercise mine at places living up to my standards. I see no reason to compromise.
It's a funny thing, people can tell me my experiences are wrong, but no one can tell my why? People will say they have been to a place many times, the food was good, and the prices were OK, but few can even come close to explaining why my visit rated so low. If a place was so good for one person so many times, why were both my visits so bad? I list undisputable evidence that people still choose to dispute, and will not offer the same evidence in return. Oh, I inquire. I announce, "Can someone tell me why people like this place so much?" The responses I get are usually rhetorical answers, opinions, or ungrounded anger, and some even come from nameless, faceless detractors who hide behind their anonymity or their position. I am perfectly fine with that. Everyone is entitled to an opinion no matter how little evidence there is to support it. With me, however, I keep my opinions to myself and offer only verifiable, first-hand evidence. People may disagree with my assessments, but there is no way anyone can tell me I was wrong about what I experienced. I was there, and most of them were not.
In conclusion, I always write fair, unbiased, and accurate reviews. Anyone is as free as I am to offer up a differing opinion based on verifiable fact, but there is no way anyone can dispute my own experience. I cannot offer up false, malicious statements without proof. Everything I say is supported by solid evidence and backed by witnesses. One thing you can count on with me is that I am telling it the way it is and you can always count on my all my reviews to be accurate, supported by multiple visits, and fair in their assessment. When it comes to being reliable, my reviews always have been and always will be on the mark.