It's that time again!

This year we hit western Wheat Ridge and Arvada. I decided to rent a van so we wouldn't have a bunch of drunken firefighters roaming Arvada on their own. I got a 12-person van and we piled in and got going!

I am in the middle of paramedic school and did not have a lot of time to really coordinate everything, so the tour started off slowly. We had a hard time finding another restaurant for dinner that fit in with the tour, finally decided on eating dinner at Clancy's again. We rolled in with 13 people; this obviously taxed their resources because it took almost 90 minute for me to get my food. Matt ordered "crab" cakes, I put the quotes around the word crab because they were sure enough cakes, but calling them "crab" may have been a bit of a stretch. "Various seafood-ish type ingredient cakes" may have been a little closer to the truth. A few beers down and off we go!

Our next stop was at Stan's Caravan. Apparently, it was the AARP night out! There were more people over the age of 65 than I have ever seen at a single drinking establishment. We got more than a few dirty looks. The bartender must not have been to used to younger patrons because she had to check each of our IDs very closely and even tried to card Cynthia,who is PREGNANT and not drinking. I understand being careful and making sure that you aren't serving anyone underage, but good God! We tired quickly of the smell of stale beer and liniment, so it was time to head out. Harms ran into a couple outside the bar and asked if he could have his picture taken with them. They stared at him like he was asking them to do a math problem. What followed was a comedic situation that I could have never dreamt up. When he asked them if he could take his picture with them they asked, "Who are you?" To which I replied,
"He's Dave Harms!"
"Who's Dave Arms?"
"He is!"
"Who is he?"
"He's Dave Harms!"
"Who's Dave Arms?"
"He is!"
"Who's he?"
"He's Dave . . . you get the point. It went on for a while and the guy never figured out what was going on. It was just like "Who's On First?" but with more old people, beer and bad country music.

Next was the Rockette Bar at 44th and Kipling. We came in for a few minutes and watched the Broncos lose to the Browns. We had a few beers (big beers) and enjoyed all that the Rockette had to offer, which in the grand scheme of things is not all that much. Tirus was meeting us but he went to the bar next door, which was the next stop on the tour, so we headed over to meet him.

The next stop was the Ramblin' Rose. We went to the Rose on a scouting trip a few months ago when Matt was in town. Apparently, they don't have many exciting people come in because they knew us the second we came through the door (enter theme from Cheers: where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came . . .). They remembered Matt especially because the last time he was there he did his famous quarter trick where he shoves 12 quarters up his nose all at the same time. (That's right, TWELVE quarters, in his nose! I'll give you a minute to let that image sink in. . . . . . . . .) We had a few pitchers here, as well as some Mad Dog 20/20 and some other shots. I think that they have a variety of Mad Dog 20/20 behind the bar is truly the distinguishing factor of this fine establishment.

We were running a little behind because dinner took so long and we stayed at the first couple of bars longer than we should have, so we skipped the Watering Hole 2 at 52nd and Ward and the Ralston Inn at Ralston and Ward. They are both fine establishments and our lack of patronage on the tour should not take away from their fine reputations.

Next we hit the Red Lion at Ralston and Independence. It was karaoke night and in the tradition of the Bar Tour, I had to get up and sang a little ditty. I chose Tom Jones' It's Not Unusual to serenade the patrons of the fine establishment. I guess nobody told me that I can't sing . . . at all. It was terrible. Everyone got a good laugh; a few beers and we were off once again.

We went next door to Binker's Pub. It was karaoke night at Binker's also, but we had already checked that off the list for the night. We met up with Gamby and McGinnis here. This is where everyone started to feel their drinks. There was a lot of hugging, "I love you's" and various other examples of drunken grab-a$$ery. There was one guy who is apparently a regular for karaoke night who put on a SPECTACULAR show of air drums while anyone else was singing. We tried REALLY hard to get it on video but it was too dark, and we were too drunk.

Once again we were running a little behind schedule, so we skipped the Twins bar at Ralston and Sheridan. Once again, don't our lack of patronage on the tour take away from their fine reputation. We had a blast there when we went on the scouting trip. They have a nice shuffleboard table and there was a guy who had some homemade hot wings. In retrospect, I would have chosen not to eat the hot wings cooked by a complete stranger, but hey, what can you do?

We went over to the Squeeze Inn, which is by far the smallest bar I have ever been to. It's a TINY little place that was originally a drive-up burger joint back in the '40s. I guess they wisened up and they just serve booze now. There was some strange oral hygiene challenged guy name Chuck who was apparently hitting on Debbie. Unfortunately for him, I guess she's into guys under the age of 50 who have all of their teeth. He kept bothering her. I was not around for any of this or it would not have happened. I guess my friends, McGinnis and Harms to be specific, have no sense of chivalry because they just left here there even after she asked them to help her get rid of him. Nice move, fellas! It was getting late, so after a few pictures, a few beers and some shots we were off for last call.

Once again, we had to skip a bar. We suck. The Starburst, or Starfox . . . . . StarSomething anyway, at 52nd and Marshall. Another place that we went to on the scouting trip and had a great time. There was just no time to hit it this time around.

We finished up at the Arvada Tavern. I wanted to make sure that we made it to this place. A few years ago (I'm not really sure when. I couldn't find any information on it. Of course, I didn't really try.), they had a structure fire at the army surplus store right next door. The police had to come in and clear out the bar because the patrons didn't want to leave. Now those are some dedicated drinkers! Matt and I were disappointed to find out last year that there were no pickled eggs to be had at the bars, but the Arvada Tavern came through for us this year! We were finally able to "enjoy" a spicy pickled egg together.

I would have liked to hit a few more places, but it was still fun! I think next year we need to try to stick a little more to the "one drink per bar" rule. A few of us were a little overboard this year!

Next year it's the Colfax Crawl! We are going to start way out west and see how far we can make it! It should be entertaining.