When you go to a big club downtown, it's always the same story. You are forced to defend your 2 ½ square feet of space. If you bump into a guy, you're probably going to get into a fight. The girls are playing their ridiculous games. (You know it's true, ladies.) It never changes. I have always thought that it's a lot more fun to go to smaller, neighborhood-type bars as opposed to bigger and more popular dance clubs and such. When you go to a club you are going to be entertained, but at a little dive bar you have to make your own fun. For the last few years I have wanted to get a group of people together and hit a bunch of little neighborhood bars. I decided that it would be a great way to celebrate my 30th birthday. I started planning, making some calls, and the first annual "Hole-In-The-Wall Bar Tour" is born.

Because I grew up in this area, I decided to do the first tour in North Denver and Wheat Ridge. There are plenty of little bars that are perfect for the tour. Matt and I decided that for the tour to be a success we would have to do some reconnaissance. With that in mind, we set out on Tuesday afternoon to "scout" out a few bars. This was research --we were all business and we did not enjoy ourselves in any way. It's good that we took the trip because we found one bar that was actually too nice for the tour. In the end we had 12 bars planned out for the tour.

Clancy's (38th Avenue and Kipling Street) -- We started here because it's a little Irish pub/restaurant. I don't know if it really fits with the theme of the tour, but it was the best I could do. We could get a couple of beers and get some food in us. After dinner, we were ready to hit the road and start some serious drinking.

It'll Do Lounge (I-70 and Pecos Street) -- Everyone has seen the sign on the I-70 frontage road, but nobody but John has ever been in there. The It'll Do was a cool little place. The ladies were all a little nervous going in here because it's the shadiest of the bars on the tour. We walked in and everyone stared at us like we had a cactus growing out of our heads. I guess they don't have many new people come in. It wasn't really that great, but what would a dive bar tour be without a place like this in the mix?

Billy's Inn (44th Avenue and Lowell Boulevard) -- This is one of the bars that I grew up near and I was destined to drink at one day. We walked in and there was only one person in the bar, who was apparently spooked by our bright clothes and quick movements, because he left immediately. We had the entire bar to ourselves. It was perfect. If it weren't for the tour we could have spent the rest of the night here and been just fine. But, it's a tour. So after a few beverages we were on our way, so long Billy's.

Music Bar (46th Avenue and Tennyson Street) -- This one was across from my elementary school. Again, destiny and the beer gods intercede in my tour and offer me a fine hole-in-the-wall bar for my drinking enjoyment. Most of their clientele are older folks (even more than the other places) and like every other bar on the list, we stuck out like a sore thumb. This is another place that we could have spent the rest of the night and been just fine. It was Karaoke Night and I knew I would never make it out without singing something. If I was going out like that, I was going out big, so I went with a little bit of Barry and sang Copacabana. That's right, I said Copacabana. Mike tried to give one of the patrons a "good game" smack on the butt, but somehow ended up kidney punching him instead. Sorry Gary, you're still the man!

Rosa Mia Inn (44th Avenue and Yates Street) -- Yet another bar that I grew up near. This was the smallest bar on the tour. It was another bar that we had all to ourselves. We start off by flipping Smith upside down so he can drink his beer upside down and get rid of his hiccups. It was all downhill from there. The bartender gave me two free shots for my birthday. Mmmmmm, Jager.

Baron's (38th Avenue and Tennyson Street) -- This is another of the shadier bars on the tour. They have dartboards, but I forgot my darts. That made me sad. Nothing fancy, nothing exciting, but they had beer. We let time get away from us a little bit here and wasted some time. Remember it's a tour, gotta keep moving!

Lake Shore Lounge (24th Avenue and Sheridan Boulevard) -- We had to give credit to Edgewater and include one of their finer establishments in the tour. The Lake Shore is one of the bigger bars we went to. There was a guy at the bar with a little dog sitting on his lap. The dog had its own beer on the bar. The dog would sit up, lap up a little beer, and then curl back up on his owner's lap. It's a little creepy and a little gross, but it fits right into the tour. This is where we lost most of the group. Landon, Katie, Brett, Ty, Debbie, Smith and Christine had enough fun and abandoned us. Quitters.

Club Corner (44th Avenue and Newland Street) -- Any bar with huge pictures of drunken bar patrons mounted proudly on the side of the building has to be good. C.C. had karaoke going on, also. Heidi got up and sang a Beatles song. I don't know which one. I was loaded. Details are a little fuzzy at this point. This is the only bar where there was any sort of drama. Matt had some sort of something going on with some guy who was talking all sorts of angry drunken gibberish. Nothing happened and life was still good.

Pauz Inn (41st Avenue and Kipling Street) -- This was the last place we hit. Yet another karaoke night. It was another older crowd, but they were rockin' the karaoke. I butchered the Sugar Hill Gang and Matt sang a little Sinatra. The night was coming to a close, so we finished up here.

All in all, I was really surprised at how well everything went over with all parties involved. Everyone I have talked to had a great time. A few people told me that thought I was crazy until they actually came out and experienced the joy that a good dive bar can provide.

The moral of my story: The next time you are thirsty for a cool and frosty beverage, don't look past the little place on the corner. Those are the places to be.

Once again, sorry Gary, I hope your kidney is OK.