http://denver.yourhub.comThe latest blog posts in The Denver Newspaper Agency YourHub.comen-usnews@yourhub.com(c) 2009, YourHub.com5Alright, I'll need to keep this short and sweet, much like Kid #2 was conceived. It all started like this...(enter flashback effects now). 7:00 a.m. and I'm just getting out of the shower when: Prego Wife : Don't hurry, you're not going to work today. Naked Me : ...why? Prego Wif...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Theatre/Blog~535960.aspx10/16/2008 2:01:57 PMMike Keleman Women are smart. After watching the DNC you've got Michelle. On the other side you've got Sarah Palin. Who could forget Hillary and her 18 million cracks (too bad Bill, I've already got the porno rights to this one). Cunning. Clever. Calculating. Yes, they are. Beware. Why? Glad...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~515093.aspx8/30/2008 12:57:08 AMMike Keleman It's Thursday, I grab the newspaper, flip to the Sports and after that I head for the News portion to find out how horrible our world has become. Once I am thoroughly depressed I crack open the YourHub.com section with the hopes of finding something on the lighter side. Something funny that happ...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~511007.aspx8/21/2008 10:23:27 AMMike Keleman More and more liquor stores are providing free in-store wine tastings. The concept is simple. You sample a few wines and if you like what crosses your lips they conveniently have bottle right there for you to take home. I sure wish Fascinations would adopt this concept, but I digress. Anytime th...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Art/Blog~508780.aspx8/15/2008 1:49:22 PMMike Keleman A fellow YourHubber, who will remain anonymous, has been harassing me to blog because, in his words, "Lately, the writing on Yourhub really sucks." I thought it was a bit harsh but that's how Mick is, straight and to the point. Therefore, as I rode the 76X bus to work this morning I searched fo...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~506030.aspx8/8/2008 10:36:44 AMMike Keleman I love when the sports announcer says, "Well, he turns 35 this year. If he suffers another injury like he did last season, they plan on taking him out behind the barn and shooting him." 35 and over the hill? I suppose this age measuring stick holds true for us non-millionaires as well. What? S...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~463847.aspx4/30/2008 9:25:33 AMMike Keleman So, we're pregnant. Well, mostly, she's pregnant. When we decided to go for Kid #1, it went something like this: Her: What do you think about having a child? Me: Having a child do what? Her: No, you dumb arse, us having a kid of our own? Me: Oh, what happened to the get rich and t...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~447488.aspx3/27/2008 9:57:25 AMMike Keleman I'm a cradle Catholic, which means from day 1 my parents dragged me to church every Sunday. For a kid, church is all about standing, sitting, kneeling, waiting in line, and trying to stay awake. However, I've learned that if you stick it out, you not only get a golden ticket into Heaven but a wh...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~440124.aspx3/11/2008 10:44:20 AMMike Keleman I hate the word love, for reasons I'll describe below and above. I think love is too often used, attached to kittens, New York, and many types of food. People love this and they love that, women especially love jeans that don't make their arse look fat. Men are just as bad, take a guy...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~424560.aspx2/5/2008 8:56:54 AMMike Keleman God bless the writer's strike because their picketing has led me to the best new show on television, American Gladiators . I want to set the record straight, I'm not into boxing, wrestling or any of those ultimate fighting programs. However, when you give Hulk Hogan a microphone and pit s...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~416353.aspx1/17/2008 10:34:37 AMMike Keleman The other evening I'm in the kitchen making dinner when my wife comes around the corner and says, "What the hell are you doing?" "Starting my New Year's resolutions." "Cooking is one of your resolutions?" "Nope, what gave you that idea?" After enjoying the totally confused look on her face f...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~413004.aspx1/9/2008 12:51:29 PMMike Keleman Last night, I poured myself a glass of Chianti and sat down to write my fake Christmas cards. Well, actually, my fake Christmas letters. You know, those boring, typed, page-long recaps of someone's year? Tis the season to play practical jokes, right? I find that there are several key factors ...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~400388.aspx12/5/2007 6:46:30 AMMike Keleman After my last blog, I feel the need to set the record straight, my wife is smart while I'm ... less so. Sure, I've called her the Dream Squelcher, recommended that she get enlargements, and compared her to a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. What's that old saying; she's the yin to my wang? For exam...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~391856.aspx11/14/2007 7:12:50 AMMike Keleman Recently my wife (previously known as the Dream Squelcher) informed me that she was going to start her own business. Immediately I thought of Julie Aigner-Clark , founder of Baby Einstein, or Sheri Schmelzer founder of Jibbitz (that crap the kids snap into their Crocs), or Jenna James...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~381933.aspx10/24/2007 8:49:20 AMMike Keleman Please ignore any grammatical errors or typos that you may find in this blog. I drove for 13 hours before nearly falling asleep at the wheel. For the safety of Amy and John I took the next exit and got a room at a Motel 6 in somewhere called Stanton, Missouri. So, here I sit on filthy mo...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~367926.aspx9/26/2007 7:22:54 AMMike Keleman I recently determined that I cannot afford retirement. Don't get me wrong, I still have 23 years until that day comes. So how did I determine that my checkbook and body cannot take the abuse that retirement dishes out? Simple. The wife and I took a midweek trip to Keystone for some RnR. Midwe...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~365706.aspx9/21/2007 9:54:56 AMMike Keleman Tastings are a cornerstone of the wine world. Usually I am not too hip on tastings because they are expensive, crowded and unless you're a spitter, the 27th sample tastes just like the 26th and will probably be very similar to the 28th. However, last Friday I attended a wine tasting at D Note in...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~357301.aspx9/5/2007 7:33:36 AMMike Keleman Like most Yourhub.com users, when Thursday rolls around I grab the morning newspaper and look to see if one of my blogs has been published. For the last several weeks, to my dismay, I have not seen my smiling picture nor my words of wisdom. Furthermore, after reading what does get published,...http://denver.yourhub.com/Denver/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~352426.aspx8/24/2007 1:19:39 PMMike Keleman The other evening I was greatly disappointed when I sat down to watch my favorite TV show, When Smurfs Attack, only to find that it was a highlight episode. You know, when the writers cannot come up with anything new and exciting, so they just take the good parts from previous shows and spli...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~347160.aspx8/13/2007 11:05:41 AMMike Keleman It's official, I've been "Ward Churchilled" by the Yourhub.com staff. I received an email notifying me that due to the content of my last blog I have been put on probation and if I do not start posting blogs that are... Yourhub.com: You are not on probation. We never sent you an email. Me...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~343893.aspx8/6/2007 7:14:19 AMMike Keleman "HEY MIKE WAKEUP!" was how my boss so elegantly stirred me from my afternoon nap. "Amen," I said, pretending to be in deep prayer rather than asleep at my desk. However, the drool on my keyboard probably gave me away. "OK, I need you to give a short presentation at our next manager's meeting. ...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~342955.aspx8/2/2007 1:29:34 PMMike Keleman Bike to work day was June 27, so this story is a bit late but still worth telling as it may SAVE YOUR LIFE (visualize dramatic music here). The events were set into motion about a week before that fateful day when a coworker casually asked, "So, you been drinking at lunch again?" No. Wait...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~339725.aspx7/26/2007 1:55:19 PMMike Keleman Last night I was going through my bedtime routine - make sure the doors are locked, drapes closed, wine bottles put in the recycle bin - when I heard a tapping, tapping at my back door. I went to see who it was and found no one, confused I left expecting more. Thankfully the irresistible pull o...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~322205.aspx6/15/2007 9:49:53 AMMike Keleman I had just hit my 3.5-year old son in the head with a ninja star when the wife came into his bedroom and asked, "What in the holy moley are you guys doing in here?" I know what you're thinking, but no, she wasn't in the Navy, she just uses profanity like a sailor. By this time my son had recov...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~316216.aspx6/1/2007 8:48:22 AMMike Keleman Alright, I'm officially irritated. The gas gauge on my Ford Pinto was on "E" so I coasted into the local filling station to find the 85 octane cost $3.28 per gallon. I looked for something more affordable, like 48 octane, but found none. I bit the bullet and started pumping. After all was said a...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~313029.aspx5/24/2007 2:15:28 PMMike Keleman Patience. We all need some. Some more than others. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those road rage idiots. I don't even own a cell phone because they're just a fad, here today, gone tomorrow, much like the internet and Starbucks. I digress. Recently my brother-in-law, who is a liar, um, che...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~310329.aspx5/18/2007 9:55:22 AMMike Keleman I'll admit it, I'm a tough guy. Proof? You want proof? I own a table saw, drill press, compressor with framing nailer, I drive a 4x4 truck, my garage refrigerator is always fully stocked with beer, and I once bench pressed 220 pounds ... kind of. OK, so the bar came crashing down on my chest and...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~295543.aspx4/17/2007 9:45:03 AMMike Keleman Whew. After 37 hours of sweat, tears, and more swearing then you'll hear on an entire 2 Live Crew CD, I am happy to announce the birth of a healthy, bouncing, 2006 tax return. Dee Duction Keleman was born last night at 11:37 p.m. and weighed in at $9,876 from the Feds and $1,234 from the State...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~284492.aspx3/27/2007 8:13:47 AMMike Keleman Alright, alright, here ya go. My loyal reader has been nagging me to write a new blog or she's threatened to cut me out of her will. Geez ma, talk about bringing out the big guns. However, I do have a good excuse. A lifelong of mine friend is carrying out his dream to write the next great Am...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~281255.aspx3/20/2007 9:10:47 AMMike Keleman Being the leading non-expert on wine for YourHub.com, people often stop me and ask, "Aren't you that 6'-8", 230 pound, power forward who's leading the NBA in scoring?" "No, no, that's Carmelo Anthony ," I politely respond. Maybe it is the sweat band and baby-blue arm sock I always wear? Rec...http://denver.yourhub.com/Arvada/Blogs/Archive/Food-and-Drink/Blog~259184.aspx3/6/2007 9:53:10 AMMike Keleman