Go where the men are. That's the advice every single woman gets from the dating advice articles, Dear Abby and good old mom.
So, off we trek to church singles' functions, sporting events, the hardware stores, etc. What those well meaning advisors fail to tell you, however, is that once you get there, you'll find a hundred other single women who received the same suggestion. They also fail to tell you that once you get to where the men are, you have to capture their attention, smile and strike up a conversation, chew gum, tie your shoes and not trip over your own two feet.
And, I have to ask ... do you know how difficult it is to get a man's attention at Lowes or Home Depot while in the power tool department? It's like a man trying to get a woman's attention at DSW Shoe Heaven during a storewide clearance sale. Not gonna happen. Ladies, face it, we can't compete with shinny new drill bits and table saws any more than men can compete with that special smell of new winter boots. So, here we are, dateless and scratching our heads.
Just when I was at my wits end, a volunteer opportunity landed at my feet. And, it was good.
Most people know or assume that the local and state police, sheriff and fire departments all conduct special training. That's how they keep their skills honed and why they have the tools, ability and confidence to run into chaotic or dangerous situations while Joe and Jane Citizen run out. Some of these training scenarios require live "victims."
No, the police do not shoot you in the leg, hoist you over their strong shoulders and carry you out past yummy firefighters and into the waiting arms of gorgeous paramedics, but as I write this, a flesh wound isn't sounding so terrible and just might be worth it ... yeah, the leg is good ... I'd have to hobble while leaning against some bulky fireman ... or a shoulder graze wouldn't be so awful and my top would need to be peeled away so they can inspect the wound ... where was I? Oh, a little embarrassed by my desperation and the idea of "victims"...anyway, yes, I found myself being volunteer "victim" for a police scenario. Goody! Goody!
I showed up at 7A with Starbucks in hand wearing two layers of clothing under a coat (not a slimming look for anyone) in preparation of the extremely cold weather and went sans make-up because road rash, burns and gore were the substitute look of the day. I was hoping a volunteer spirit would override my look of padded horror.
I won't say who, what, where and when, but I will say this ... oh, baby, eye candy galore! It wasn't so bad being a damsel in distress while surrounded by some of Colorado's finest. Yes, ladies, this is definitely where the men are. Firemen, SWAT, Sheriff's, oh my! Bomb Squad, Paramedics, Police, oh yes!
What's a girl to do?Try to contain the giddiness and look helpless with some sort of decorum and class. Trust me; it wasn't easy when I really wanted to skip up and down the sidewalk clapping my hands in glee. Instead, I smiled as they covered me in fake blood and put the phony shrapnel in my neck, and I was so distracted that I even forget the fact that layers of clothing added to my curves. It was testosterone heaven.
So, can someone please explain to me why it is just my luck that I was the only distressed damsel, a bloody neck laceration no less, who ended up being taken care of by the only two, albeit extremely capable and nice, female paramedics?! Ya'll stop laughing at me! Thirty or so men in blue and I end up in an ambulance with some woman putting gauze on my neck!
I repeat, what's a girl to do? Yep, a girl's supposed to get back to reality, have some fun, joke and laugh and thank these amazing women for their dedication, hard work and saving my life. Big deal if 'man world' didn't result in anything.
It left me in awe of just what our rescuers encounter and what they do for our safety and our community. It was eye opening ... the rescue attempt and bravery, not the biceps. Cut me a little slack here; after all, I wasn't really dead! Besides, if a girl has to learn a lesson on how to be a heart-felt volunteer with the right intentions, she might as well learn it where the view doesn't suck.
Allow me to apologize now to all our police and fire departments for the hundreds of phone calls they are about to receive from single women wanting to know when they can volunteer. Ummm ... maybe I shouldn't have shared.