These days, my son spends an inordinate amount of time playing Animal Crossing for the Wii. He fishes, picks up odd knick knacks from the locals (one, a potted plant, looks like a marijuana bush-not that I'd know what that looks like), and shakes trees for fruit to sell at Tom Nook's store. (If only I could get him to work that hard in real life.)
I work late most nights, and couldn't imagine what he could possibly be up to even as the microwave flashed midnight (more likely the power had gone out again). The glazed look in his eye and an absent smile on his kid-lips reflected the eerie blue glow from the television. He was designing a t-shirt for the older boy's character. The medium-blue and green orb showed that the front was, in fact, sporting a cartoon globe. The back of the shirt housed the vintage 70's balloon letters for the band Yes.
A clothing decorating fiend was burgeoning in that instant, and now cartoon town members were donning attire from my rock band fan kid. All of them were for other characters, he reasoned (he could stop anytime he wanted to). Finally, he handed me the
wii-mote and ran to the backyard to find out where our pet dog had taken his underwear (don't ask).
In that brief time while I was in control, a cute character resembling a squirrel from the game approached my character. He made general conversation, and then proceeded to punctuate even the most innocent phrases with the word "Dummy." Finally, after hearing, "Isn't this a beautiful evening, Dummy?" I yelled to the boy, "Hey! This animal keeps calling me 'Dummy'!"
"I did that!" my son beamed, walking back into the room, a pair of reclaimed undergarments in his hand (don't ask). "You can make the animals say stuff at the end of phrases!" He chuckled, because kids always think they're clever that way.
So it was no surprise when, after an hour more of research (hey. It's my prerogative), I eventually rescinded my control of the game, put away the three shirts I designed with smiling bits of fruit on them, and went back to working. Son decided to catch a few extra fish that evening to help pay off the additions to our little Animal Crossing houses, and was once again in the chair with a dazed look on his face, while the dog gleefully chewed the underpants nearby (don't ask).
"Hey?!" he called out a few minutes later. "Why does this animal tell me to 'stick it!' after everything?"
I shrugged.
Hey. I don't kiss and tell.